(via afterallthistimealways)Source: tastefullyoffensive
This is making me laugh so hard.
I CAN’T. FUCKING. BREATHE.
This is too deliciously absurd not to reblog. I want an oil painting of this hanging over my mantle. MAKE IT HAPPEN, INTERNET!
[image description: Classical Baroque-era portrait of a regal man in tights, wearing red heeled shoes with bows, a giant cape, a huge collar, and a bigass wig, holding a cane and posing next to a crown against a backdrop of lush red velvet curtains and marble pillars. He also has a sword and is standing on a fancy carpet. Barack Obama’s face was Photoshopped onto it, and it says “Baroque Obama” at the top.]
(via justamandanotahero)Source: kerrified
Interviewer: Hello, and welcome to the news at 12. Today, we have an exclusive interview with the rioters of Royal Tunbridge Wells, who are hopefully going to shed some light on the motivation of rioters all across the country. Names have been changed to protect identity/prevent ridicule. So, Ben and Jerry, the question we all want to ask; what caused you to take to the streets in such a violent way?
Ben: Erm, well, it’s the economy, and like, the cuts and stuff, and erm, Nick Clegg and whatnot.
Jerry: Yeah, erm, like, times are tough. Yeah, my family could only afford 10 days in the south of France for our holiday this year because, like, we wanted to go to Tuscany but father said it was too expensive, so we had to totally, like, change our plans.
Ben: Yeah and, the government isn’t doing anything to help. I mean all they’ve done is give my parents a, like, massive tax break and, erm, another massive tax break which is, y’know, nothing.
Jerry: Erm, yeah, like, my family have had to start shopping in Sainsburys, and the only thing David Cameron did is make dad a cabinet minister.
Int: Right. Well, you appeared to target specific properties with your violence, could you explain to me why you chose those particular places?
Jerry: Yeah. Erm, well, we raided Ann Summers for obvious reasons. Hahaha, hahaha!
Ben: Ah, yes, El Oh El, hahaha!
Jerry: And we chose HMV because, like, my earphones were totally bazooked after I dropped them in a glass of Chablis. And then we were peckish, so, we thought we’d do Waitrose, because they do a really nice Buffalo Mozzarella wrap.
Ben: And then it’s, like, my mum’s birthday next week so we went to Dorothy Perkins, but we couldn’t find anything that didn’t make her look really old so we tried M&S.
Jerry: Good old Marks and Sparks! So yeah, we found her a gift. And then we were tired and went home.
Int: OK, well, this is certainly very enlightening. If you could send a message to the rioters in the other cities, what would it be?
Ben: Well, first of all, when you’re, like, smashing a window, make sure that the other one isn’t on the other side, because it really bloody hurts!
Jerry: And always smash from the outside, because most shops don’t allow you to carry an unconcealed cricket bat into the store.
Jerry: Also, y’know, solidarity comrades.
Int: Well, thank you very much for your time, it’s been an, erm, insightful occasion (posh arseholes).
My best friends at Hogwarts would be my 3 homies; Charlotte, Rachel and Sam. We remind me of the fabulous foursome that was Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. I’m totally barking mad like Sirius, and Rachel is nocturnal just like Lupin. Then again, Sam is as practical as Lupin, so they’d both share that role, because none of them are like Pettigrew. As for Charlotte, she is Potter, as she’s my hoe (in our hoemance), and Sirius was incredibly close to James. If I were allowed to say another, I’d say Evie as Hermione, because she has the hair and general geekiness. And she is totally NOT Lord of the Ducks.
Who would be your best friends at Hogwarts. (Three only)
I really have no idea at this point. Hopefully by the end of this post i will. This is to remind me to do it.
*has had an ingenious idea*
My three best friends at school are Charlotte, Maura, and Rachel. Maura is a lot like Luna, but…
(via rachelneedsabetterurl)Source: happysami
Random guy does crazy interpretive dance on the main bridge in Durham, England. This is 100% real.