Something Witty And Hilarious

I speak now, Pottermore, directly to you. You have permitted my friends to enter your site rather than face me yourself. I shall wait for one hour in my inbox. If, at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not given me my email, then battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the fray myself, Pottermore, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every last man, woman, and child who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour.

Thu, 18 Aug 2011 08:07:26 +0100

happysami: youknowyourebritishwhen: Coupla people asked about...

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 17:49:39 +0100

youknowyourebritishwhen:

Coupla people asked about it.

’s the text from the one ring in UV ink on my forearm, can’t be seen in normal light.
Coz of the whole popping the ring in the fire thing :3

Wow! That’s an amazing idea!

Reblog if you LOVE Rachel Maddow.

Fri, 12 Aug 2011 17:45:26 +0100

veganleesa:

stfuconservatives: sierralovescoffeeandpuggles: themoderatelyam...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 19:26:34 +0100

stfuconservatives:

sierralovescoffeeandpuggles:

themoderatelyambitiousscientist:

This is making me laugh so hard.

I CAN’T. FUCKING. BREATHE.

This is too deliciously absurd not to reblog. I want an oil painting of this hanging over my mantle. MAKE IT HAPPEN, INTERNET!

[image description: Classical Baroque-era portrait of a regal man in tights, wearing red heeled shoes with bows, a giant cape, a huge collar, and a bigass wig, holding a cane and posing next to a crown against a backdrop of lush red velvet curtains and marble pillars. He also has a sword and is standing on a fancy carpet. Barack Obama’s face was Photoshopped onto it, and it says “Baroque Obama” at the top.]

EXCLUSIVE: INTERVIEW WITH RIOTERS IN ROYAL TUNBRIDGE WELLS

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 09:02:57 +0100

Interviewer: Hello, and welcome to the news at 12. Today, we have an exclusive interview with the rioters of Royal Tunbridge Wells, who are hopefully going to shed some light on the motivation of rioters all across the country. Names have been changed to protect identity/prevent ridicule. So, Ben and Jerry, the question we all want to ask; what caused you to take to the streets in such a violent way?

Ben: Erm, well, it’s the economy, and like, the cuts and stuff, and erm, Nick Clegg and whatnot.

Jerry: Yeah, erm, like, times are tough. Yeah, my family could only afford 10 days in the south of France for our holiday this year because, like, we wanted to go to Tuscany but father said it was too expensive, so we had to totally, like, change our plans.

Ben: Yeah and, the government isn’t doing anything to help. I mean all they’ve done is give my parents a, like, massive tax break and, erm, another massive tax break which is, y’know, nothing.

Jerry: Erm, yeah, like, my family have had to start shopping in Sainsburys, and the only thing David Cameron did is make dad a cabinet minister.

Int: Right. Well, you appeared to target specific properties with your violence, could you explain to me why you chose those particular places?

Jerry: Yeah. Erm, well, we raided Ann Summers for obvious reasons. Hahaha, hahaha!

Ben: Ah, yes, El Oh El, hahaha!

Jerry: And we chose HMV because, like, my earphones were totally bazooked after I dropped them in a glass of Chablis. And then we were peckish, so, we thought we’d do Waitrose, because they do a really nice Buffalo Mozzarella wrap.

Ben: And then it’s, like, my mum’s birthday next week so we went to Dorothy Perkins, but we couldn’t find anything that didn’t make her look really old so we tried M&S.

Jerry: Good old Marks and Sparks! So yeah, we found her a gift. And then we were tired and went home.

Int: OK, well, this is certainly very enlightening. If you could send a message to the rioters in the other cities, what would it be?

Ben: Well, first of all, when you’re, like, smashing a window, make sure that the other one isn’t on the other side, because it really bloody hurts!

Jerry: And always smash from the outside, because most shops don’t allow you to carry an unconcealed cricket bat into the store.

Ben: Touche!

Jerry: Also, y’know, solidarity comrades.

Int: Well, thank you very much for your time, it’s been an, erm, insightful occasion (posh arseholes).

Photo

Sun, 31 Jul 2011 11:39:58 +0100

Harry Potter Challenge: Day 15

Sat, 30 Jul 2011 23:26:00 +0100

My best friends at Hogwarts would be my 3 homies; Charlotte, Rachel and Sam. We remind me of the fabulous foursome that was Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. I’m totally barking mad like Sirius, and Rachel is nocturnal just like Lupin. Then again, Sam is as practical as Lupin, so they’d both share that role, because none of them are like Pettigrew. As for Charlotte, she is Potter, as she’s my hoe (in our hoemance), and Sirius was incredibly close to James. If I were allowed to say another, I’d say Evie as Hermione, because she has the hair and general geekiness. And she is totally NOT Lord of the Ducks.

working title: Harry Potter Challenge - Day 15

Sat, 30 Jul 2011 23:20:00 +0100

*working title*: Harry Potter Challenge - Day 15:

happysami:

Who would be your best friends at Hogwarts. (Three only)

I really have no idea at this point. Hopefully by the end of this post i will. This is to remind me to do it.

*has had an ingenious idea*

My three best friends at school are Charlotte, Maura, and Rachel. Maura is a lot like Luna, but…

Photo

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 22:45:38 +0100

Photo

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 20:25:08 +0100

Rachel Maddow: Sexy Patriot. Rawr!

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 20:22:00 +0100

Rachel Maddow: Sexy Patriot. Rawr!

Random guy does crazy interpretive dance on the main bridge in...

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 11:00:31 +0100

Random guy does crazy interpretive dance on the main bridge in Durham, England. This is 100% real.

My previous post was reblogged by the Nation!!

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 20:08:04 +0100

My previous post was reblogged by the Nation!!

i absolutely love your post on March for the alternative and on student fees.

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 05:40:55 +0100

Thanks! :)

Sen. Sanders: Ten Companies Avoiding Taxes

Tue, 29 Mar 2011 17:22:04 +0100

Sen. Sanders: Ten Companies Avoiding Taxes:

stfuconservatives:

jonathan-cunningham:

While hard working Americans fill out their income tax returns this tax season, General Electric and other giant profitable corporations are avoiding U.S. taxes altogether.

With Congress returning to Capitol Hill on Monday to debate steep spending cuts, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) said the wealthiest Americans and most profitable corporations must do their share to help bring down our record-breaking deficit.

Sanders renewed his call for shared sacrifice after it was reported that General Electric and other major corporations paid no U.S. taxes after posting huge profits. Sanders said it is grossly unfair for congressional Republicans to propose major cuts to Head Start, Pell Grants, the Social Security Administration, nutrition grants for pregnant low-income women and the Environmental Protection Agency while ignoring the reality that some of the most profitable corporations pay nothing or almost nothing in federal income taxes.

Sanders compiled a list of some of some of the 10 worst corporate income tax avoiders.

1) Exxon Mobil made $19 billion in profits in 2009. Exxon not only paid no federal income taxes, it actually received a $156 million rebate from the IRS, according to its SEC filings.

2) Bank of America received a $1.9 billion tax refund from the IRS last year, although it made $4.4 billion in profits and received a bailout from the Federal Reserve and the Treasury Department of nearly $1 trillion.

3) Over the past five years, while General Electric made $26 billion in profits in the United States, it received a $4.1 billion refund from the IRS.

4) Chevron received a $19 million refund from the IRS last year after it made $10 billion in profits in 2009.

5) Boeing, which received a $30 billion contract from the Pentagon to build 179 airborne tankers, got a $124 million refund from the IRS last year.

6) Valero Energy, the 25th largest company in America with $68 billion in sales last year received a $157 million tax refund check from the IRS and, over the past three years, it received a $134 million tax break from the oil and gas manufacturing tax deduction.

7) Goldman Sachs in 2008 only paid 1.1 percent of its income in taxes even though it earned a profit of $2.3 billion and received an almost $800 billion from the Federal Reserve and U.S. Treasury Department.

8) Citigroup last year made more than $4 billion in profits but paid no federal income taxes. It received a $2.5 trillion bailout from the Federal Reserve and U.S. Treasury.

9) ConocoPhillips, the fifth largest oil company in the United States, made $16 billion in profits from 2007 through 2009, but received $451 million in tax breaks through the oil and gas manufacturing deduction.

10) Over the past five years, Carnival Cruise Lines made more than $11 billion in profits, but its federal income tax rate during those years was just 1.1 percent.

The problem isn’t that we can’t afford social services, or that we’re wasteful with our government spending, or that the nation is ‘broke’, the problem is that the wealthy have set up a system where they can avoid paying taxes. They have subverted the government into a tool for profit rather than a tool for societal stability.

But GOD FORBID we tax Corporate Entity A to help out Little Guy B! Don’t the wealthy have enough problems???

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Tue, 29 Mar 2011 17:17:29 +0100

Why I Marched On Saturday

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 21:22:00 +0100

There’s not much that can make a teenager get up at 4am on a Saturday morning. Then again, this was no ordinary Saturday morning, and we are no ordinary teenagers. Actually, that’s not the case; we are ordinary. Depressingly so. Our A-Level exams are under two months away, and as many years have before us, we’re planning our Easter revision cram and frantically swatting up for our immanent mocks. However, there is an underlying futility to all our efforts, as we know that working hard now and doing well is no guarantee for a better life, or even employment at all.

The UK rate of youth unemployment is higher than the European average at over 20%, with more than 950,000 out of work or education in January, the highest number since records began. And youth unemployment is one of the hardest types of unemployment to tackle, as the effects can devastate in later life. According to economist David Blanchflower, unemployed youth are likely to earn lower wages throughout their life, and are even more likely to end up on the dole again. This is not only harmful to us as individuals, but for the government as a whole. Now, they’re more likely to have to pay the dole of hundreds of thousands of unemployed young people, rather than collect the taxes on the wages they would have been earning if only they had stopped to think about what’s best for our young people.

Youth who are Not in Employment Education or Training (NEETs) are growing by the day, and their numbers are expected to surge further after the EMA cuts come into effect. Even the government’s new “replacement” for the scheme will only cover a few thousand, with many more expected to fall into the black hole facing British youth. And even for those of us who stay and do vocational training courses, most are either unable to get a job or can only find one on the minimum wage, almost making all the effort put into getting the qualification pointless. And for those who stay on to higher education, the story remains just as grim. With a critical shortage of places and 9,000 a year tuition fees, many bright but underprivileged kids have been put off from having the best chance at life. One of my friends, who has a science scholarship to an independent school, has decided not to go to university as the 9,000 a year fees are too much. It doesn’t matter if universities offer bursaries or help with funding, when kids (especially those who aren’t from a university background) are already on the fence about whether or not to attend, trebling fees will be the thing that tips you off the UCAS form and onto the Jobcentre register. We might have just lost one of the brightest young scientists Britain has to offer, but we may never know. But how much good would a degree do, if graduate unemployment rises beyond its current rate? 20% of university graduates are currently unable to get a job. When I sit at this computer at 10pm making notes on Gladstone’s handling of the Franco-Prussian War, I can’t help but wonder “If I can’t get a job, what’s the point?”

And so for that reason, thousands of teenagers got up at 4am on Saturday, grabbed their placards and marched through central London. And it was for that reason that they blockaded Oxford Street, and some even smashed windows, and some got arrested. This is the reason for the unrest: young people have nothing to lose. Our reason to march isn’t just motivated by the cuts to the NHS or public services, but our frustration that we are facing the worst prospects for a generation, and our government is doing nothing to stop it. When we march, we march for a future we were promised, but we are being told we will never achieve. We march for employment, for education. We march for the rest of our lives.

itsonlyfortoday: Why the hell did i do history?

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 17:02:07 +0000

itsonlyfortoday:

Why the hell did i do history?

Gay Bands According to (some) Christians

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 07:12:22 +0000

Gay Bands According to (some) Christians:

tasteslikepink:

queenoflowerchelsea:

et-tu-dionysus:

justquietlyexaminingmyprey:

robertbowiebuttsex:

justquietlyexaminingmyprey:

robertbowiebuttsex:

itdoesdeath:

So, this is a list of “gay” bands that will lead innocent youngsters into the horrors of homosexuality. As if that thought isn’t laughable enough, the parentheticals just kill me. For example, “The Butchies (lizbians)” and “Lady Gaga (tricks girls into lesbianism).” This is almost too funny. This website also provides a list of safe bands, too, for better listening. The first item on the list is Cyndi Lauper. Subtext, anyone?

“Marilyn Manson (dark gay)”

Also, can we all agree to return Nickleback to the straight people? I don’t want them.

DARK GAY ._. That shouldn’t be as funny as I find it to be..

xD I just now began to explore that site. The have The Dresden Dolls listed as a not gay band, and call Oscar Wilde a “reformed homosexual.” xD Whoever made this site is better than my trolls….

Don’t let Allie hear you say that O.o or read er same thing.. lol they spelled lesbians wrong and said cannibal corpse is gay xD

WHY IS SUFJAN STEVENS ON THE ‘SAFE BANDS’ LIST? SHUT IT DOWN.
Also, lol Bright Eyes turned me gay, how’d they know!!

“Slipknot (make-up)”

I died.

Well, unlike some of you heathens, I agree with the Phelps’ on this!

One of the most dangerous ways Homosexuality invades family life is through popular music. Parents, please keep careful watch over your children’s listening habits. Especially in this age of Internet mp3 piracy.

Internet mp3 piracy. Because see, if I listen to music that I have downloaded, and it’s a girl singing about sex, well… clearly I will have been sucked into the meaning of the song, and quite literally want to get it on with another lady.

There are multiple levels of Gay Music.

Gay Music is like Inception. You just have to go deeper.

Some bands are what we like to call Gateway Bands. They lure children in with Pop Grooves and Salacious Melodies leaving them wanting more. They’ll move on to more dangerous bands and the next thing you know you’ve got a homosexual for a child.

These bands are the marijuana of Gaysic. It might not seem dangerous to listen to Tears of a Clown, but soon you’re snorting blow off of some gay hooker’s ass.

We Strongly recommend that you burn the CDs. Make sure your child is watching. Make sure they can feel the heat. It is crucial that the image remains emblazoned in their young minds. They need to know that if they continue to listen to these bands they may Burn eternally as well.

In fact, instead of burning the CDs, just have sex in front of them. In order to really feel the heat, make your child be the fluffer. They’ll never think of sex the same way again.

And as for the list itself, I have to highlight these few:

Toby Keith (cowboy)

Sigur Ros (nudists)

The Butchies (lizbians)

Marilyn Manson (dark gay)

Morrissey(?questionable?)

George Michael (texan)

Ted Nugent (loincloth)

The Cure (makeup)

Britney Spears(kissed Madonna)

Elton John(really gay)

Yeah, that’s right. Stay away from those Texans. They’ll give you the gay faster than you can say Lawrence v. Texas.

LOL at how they put the Indigo Girls twice.

tasteslikepink: queenoflowerchelsea: panasonicyouth: petewentz...

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 07:06:21 +0000

tasteslikepink:

queenoflowerchelsea:

panasonicyouth:

petewentz-:

PRESS PLAY AND WATCH THE GIF

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

omg

I CAN’T TAKE THIS